having confidence to leave a relationship

Think like Sigrid: Having Confidence to Leave a Relationship

“I love who I see looking at me
In the mirror, in the mirror
Nothing compares to the feeling right there
In the mirror, in the mirror
I needed loneliness to know there’s nothing
That I can’t turn into confidence
I couldn’t play pretend
And I’m sorry that you had to pay the consequences”

Think like 
a Winner

Yesterday I was listening to Sigrid’s newest song ‘Mirror’ and it really got me thinking about self-esteem. Sometimes we stay in situations we aren’t happy with because we lack the confidence to move on and I see this A LOT. Not only in personal relationships but business relationships too. 

When you have low self-esteem it is incredibly easy to stay in a situation that doesn’t make your heart sing because you think it is all you are worthy of. Here is a short extract from SMASH IT! The Art of Getting What YOU Want which explains a little more about self-esteem.

So, what is esteem? The dictionary quite simply defines it as ‘respect and admiration’. However, according to Maslow, esteem can be divided into two categories: low and high. He defines low self-esteem as the desire for respect from others, it is the reason we aim to achieve a certain status or build a reputation. It is the reason that people stay in relationships they aren’t happy with. When you have low self-esteem you seek external validation, and this can come in the form of a toxic partner who builds you up and tears you down again and again.
High Self-esteem on the other hand comes from within and is dependent on a number of factors such as our achievements, behaviours, beliefs and personal perception of ourselves and others. I don’t disagree with Maslow, however, I think it’s not as clear cut as being either high or low, I think esteem is a scale.

Low – You don’t ask for other people’s opinions because you know you won’t change your mind on how you see yourself. No matter what somebody else tells you, all you can see are the bad points, and if they do say something positive, you think they’re only saying that to make you feel better.

Mid – You regularly ask for other people’s opinions and feedback in all aspects of your life, eg: “Do you think I look ok in this jacket?” or “Can you check this piece of work in case I’ve done it wrong?” Whilst you are learning to be confident in yourself, you need the reassurance to boost your self-esteem.
High – You are self-assured and unaffected by the feedback from others, whether it be positive or negative.

Someone with low self-esteem is likely to not recognise their value, and, unlike Sigrid, aren’t going to be able to love what they see in the mirror, and is also unlikely to recognise that they can leave a relationship they are unhappy in.

So what’s the solution? It’s difficult to categorically say. You can’t just switch from low to high esteem. There’s no magic wand but it’s all about having a growth mindset. Think like Sigrid. You are never going to get anywhere by staying in a negative relationship, whether it’s a business relationship or a personal relationship. You may feel selfish for leaving, or like leaving will be a very daunting experience but you may be pleasantly surprised. You may think “the grass is never greener on the other side”, but you don’t know until you make the leap. If you’re not happy now, what have you got to lose? Take control and have the confidence to make a better situation for yourself.

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